5 Expat Re-entry Tips

I think we can all admit that coming “home,” whether from a great travel vacation or a long-term expat assignment in another country has its pros and cons, right? We’ve invested ourselves in a fresh place, new people and, often, a totally different mindset for some period of time. As happy as we may be to be back on familiar soil, it can be hard to switch gears. Let’s look at a few ways that make re-entry a little easier.

Maybe your entire gang comes to greet you at the airport, arms waving, tears flowing and banners flying. They haven’t seen you and, perhaps, your kids in ages.  It’s an exciting moment that many expats look forward to.

Perhaps you are more like me and your family is so used to the expat routine that they just pick you up at the curb with a quick hug and no fan-fair at all. Or maybe you hop in an Uber or taxi, arriving with nobody even knowing.

For me, there’s always a level of letdown associated with going back to my country of origin, no matter how many great people are there waiting for me. In my chosen expat country, Jamaica, as well as many others that I’ve traveled in for extended periods, it’s not hard to make friends. I get attached to people easily and miss them when I leave them behind.

Having come and gone a LOT over the last five years, I’ve realized that there are things I can do to make re-entry easier on myself and those around me. The following are a few things I’ve come up with that help me out.

Step 1.  Figure out what makes life easiest for YOU upon re-entry and ask that people stick to your plan.

If coming home to parties and huge crowds makes the transition easier, party on! 

Drop your bags and hit those gatherings. Catch up on everything you missed for the year or two you were gone.  See your friends, tell your stories and reconnect.

But maybe you’re the expat who finds the letdown after the hoopla feels overwhelming.  Much like it the day after your long dreamed of wedding, retirement day or college graduation, coming home can feel a bit empty.

For some returnees, slipping back into town quietly is more comfortable.

Spending a day or two resting, getting over jet-lag and simply wrapping their heads around the vastly different world they’ve awakened in is necessary. For these expats, being able to call friends, make lunch dates and get back into the swing of things at their own pace keeps them balanced.

If they are back for good, there are so many details to deal with that fitting everything in can take a great deal of energy. If only back for a short visit, the expectations are placed upon them to see everyone and everything while back. This brings us to the next step, limits.

Step 2.  Set limits on how you will spend your time before you even fly home.   

I find that whether it’s a relationship, a job, or a vacation, it often flies or dies based on “expectations.”

Our expectation to “see everyone” when reality dictates time to see only a few people, sets us (and them) up for feeling like we missed out. Let people know ahead of time that your sabbatical is brief or, conversely, that you are back for good and look forward to making plans for ample time to eventually reconnect.

If people get the mental picture ahead of time, there might be less friction when the time arrives.  Maybe Auntie Sue out in Kalamazoo won’t flip her wig when you don’t make it out to see her while you are back for a week or two and staying in California. Planning ahead can also allow you to harness the power of your connections back home.

Step 3.  Don’t be afraid to tap into local connections.

If people have offered assistance or are dying to spend time with you, make it work to your advantage. 

Are you heading home because your house finally sold? Have people over for a packing party and cleanup crew. Going home because your contract has run out and you have no job to go back to? Put out your feelers with your friends and colleagues back home in advance. Maybe you’ll have a job waiting.

Are you moving back for good, shipping a household worth of goods back? Pull the family and friends together to help unpack and put things away. It may take you months to FIND everything but at least the burden of emptying all of those boxes will be lifted.

Step 4. TAKE YOUR TIME and be kind to yourself.

If you are going from an area of relative poverty to “the land of plenty,” take your time getting out and about. 

The expat life can be so many different experiences. My expat time is spent living in very rural Jamaica, a relatively poor, underdeveloped area. Running to “get a few things” means waiting for and taking a taxi to town. Going from store to store to find all of the items I need because nobody carries batteries AND wood glue, for example.

When I’ve finally made my purchases, I must find a new taxi for the return trip and wait for the driver to decide he has enough people in the car to make it worth the drive. This might mean only 2 minutes or 30 minutes or more, sitting in the hot car. Finally home, I’m often sweaty, hot and too tired to do much else.

You might think that coming back to the land of plenty would cause me to jump up and down for joy, right?

In some ways, it does.  I DO enjoy being able to hop in my own car, at my leisure, and go where I want to go. It’s great being able to hit one or two stores and find everything I want, and more. And, yes, I appreciate the relative ease of life in the USA.

But I have to admit that sometimes I get frustrated and angry. I see the rows and rows of crap for sale and the people pushing carts of said crap, and I feel upset at the waste. Its hard not to think about how many Jamaican school books could be bought with the money spent here on junk food alone.

At times, I simply get overwhelmed at the choices in the typical American store. In Jamaica, for example, if I want oatmeal, I have two choices. I can get instant oatmeal or old-fashioned oatmeal. In the USA, I might have three different brands in each of those styles as well as organic, stone cut, “gluten-free” and multiple flavors. My brain gets tired trying to decipher it all, even though I’m thankful to have the options.

Step 5. Be thankful for what you have here, what you had there and learn to let go.

They say the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence but we all know that’s just not true. 

When I’m in Jamaica and I get aggravated with the SLOOOOW pace of life, I remember how crazy my last ten years were in the States. I had kids running in all directions between sports, clubs, jobs and friends. Meanwhile, my husband was working 60 hours per week and then joining in on the 60 hours per week I was putting in on our goat farm and cheese business.

Thinking back to those days makes me SO thankful for my Jamaican friends who have the time and MAKE the time to stand and chat with me. Even the downtime, waiting for taxis or waiting forever for meals at a restaurant forces me to really look around and enjoy the beauty of Jamaica.

When I’m in the States, I focus on how quickly I can get around and accomplish tasks. I’m thankful for great doctors and the conveniences that surround me. I look forward to seeing my children, grandchildren and my dear friends, even though I leave behind many close friends who feel like family in Jamaica. I feel so blessed to have such a wide circle of loving people to depend on.

In the end, our entry and re-entry all boils down to our own attitudes about it.

Anything that we approach with dread, will likely be dreadful. If we predetermine our own expectations and those of the people we are dealing with, things will likely go a lot more smoothly. Communication is vital.

Travel and integrating into other cultures, whether for the short-term or long-term, is such a life altering, incredible experience. While expat life certainly has negatives as well as positives, I wish everyone could experience it. I have to believe that our world would be a better place if only we knew how similar we all are.

I’d love to hear your tips for making a smooth expat re-entry experience.  Please drop me a line in the comments at the bottom of the page!